Dear AARP:
Thank you for your kind reminder that I am eligible for membership to your organization. I must however, decline your generous offer as I really don’t see how AARP can help me. As I recall, you were once known as the American Association of Retired People. I, however, will never be able to retire. Therefore, I couldn’t possibly be eligible to join your organization.
Therefore, I will not be remitting my $16, $43, or even $63 dollars for a five year membership with the self addressed stamped envelope you so kindly enclosed. It’s too bad, that Magazine sounds like it has some cool tips and discounts for those traveling the country. What with hotel specials; RV insurance; and those great deals on vitamins from China, it sure sounds like the good life.
I will end with my thanks, but no thanks for your offer! Keep sending me those cards and offers, however. I can only hope in my own small way, I help you go broke sending me these offers, one envelope at a time!
Regards,